This song does not belong to me, nor did I write it or create any characters mentioned. Copyright goes to "RandomEncounters" and Valve. Team Fortress 2 and all its characters, items, stages, weapons and etc. belongs to Valve.
There's a certain hellish realm
Reserved for everyone who yells
They need the Medic.
Every evening when I sleep,
While I'm busy counting sheep,
They all bleat "Medic".
When I'm eating, when I'm reading,
Or excreting on the John,
There's no hiding from the screaming in my mind!
There's no place in Heaven high
Where I can crawl away and die,
The only real solution's absolutely homicide!
(medic!) oh, speak of the Devil...
All the wounds I've ever sealed,
And the boo-boos that I've healed...
I'm a changed Medic!
Now these injures can stay
While I blow the noobs away!
Beware the Medic!
The Solider and the Sniper,
I'm afraid have not got long...!
The Demoman and Pyro quickly fade!
And the Medic will just laugh
While the Heavy's torn in half
By the Medic and his bonesaw's gruesome blade!
Now the Sniper has jars of Jarate--
Clear glass bottles he fills with his ****.
When he hits all his foes,
He crits all of his blows!
He has that... I have this! (Points to Über-charger)
The Engineer has electronics,
And the Spy's got disguise and tricks!
And the Pyro's insane!
(Eh, the Scout's kind of lame...)
They do that... I do this!
I do this.
If you'd like a reason why My entire team should DIE!... (Piano BGM bangs)
Then play the Medic!
Well my friends, the doctor's out...
Of his own mind!
So go on shout
You'll get no Medic!
I don't care about points or payloads
Only psychopathic sprees.
Nor which colour team your playing,
Red or Blu!
And if I see just one more hat,
I'll tear your insides out like that! (Piano BGM bangs)
Like Saxton Hale on a safari at the zoo!
I'm a Physician on a mission
And contritions not my style!
Am I a monster or a mann? I cannot say!
All I know is that my Über's locked and loaded like a trooper!
Medicare's one shot away!
You think I've arrived bearing safety,
But I come not with peace, but ein (a) sword!
There's a high price to pay for the health I've purveyed!
All I do, you've ignored!
All I do, I've abhored!
I once was a man who was valiantly healing everyone crying Medic!
I once healed a Spy who then knifed me goodbye!
That's when I learnt to just let people die!
Let them die!
Leave the Demoman for dead! (Prepares Über-Charger)
Let the Heavy fill with lead! (Shoots bullets from Über-Charger)
Meet the new Medic!
May the Pyro be enflamed! (Shoots fire from Über-Charger)
May you loath this wretched game
Without the Medic!
May your papers all be stolen!
Your intelligence be lost!
May your sandviches be full of rancid meat!
And the first fool that I hear
Who calls for Medic gets there rear rent surgically...!
(Medic get head-shoted)
" By me,
Your friendly PhD,